After extensive reflection and beholden to no one (because no one knows me), I have decided to announce my candidacy for the presidency of the United States. While my own views have evolved over time I guess I will run for the nomination of the Democratic Party for president.
Until about two weeks ago I had been a socialist, believing that we as a society need to provide for the basic human needs of all people. I was disgusted that as a very rich country 50 million of our citizens had no health care. Official unemployment rates of nine percent and nearly double that figure for people of color and even more for youth drove me crazy.
In world affairs, I was outraged by ten years of war against the people of Afghanistan, eight years of war and occupation of Iraq, immoral massive bombing of targets in Libya while we support dictatorships in the Persian Gulf such as Saudi Arabia and Yemen. The fact that we practice “clean” war, targeting peoples virtually everywhere with drone attacks, just figuratively blows me away. And finally, I was horrified that the United States has transferred billions of dollars in military and economic assistance to the state of Israel while that country starves the citizens of Gaza and the West Bank. And all this costs the American people a trillion dollars in military spending a year.
About two weeks ago, however, I changed my views on all these subjects. I decided that the American people are a bunch of whiners. I realized that there always will be poor people but it is the rich that have made this country what it is. And, I now understand the peoples of the world need to follow our guidance and leadership. If they don’t, then they bear full responsibility for those drone attacks on their towns and cities.
You might ask: “Why did you change your views so radically since mid-May?” Some people might viciously claim that I am running for president because I just published a new book, Diary of a Heartland Radical, Changemaker Publications.
Some of these same people might claim that I changed my views because I wanted to run for president so that I could sell my book. I deny these charges. It would be so easy to make such claims. I know Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, and a host of other candidates for high office have been accused of using the political process to make a quick buck. I say this is unfair.
Now I will be making my presidential announcement at Quirps Mortuary in Lafayette, Indiana on June 24, 2011. I will then attend campaign rallies at Kischke’s Delicatessen in Fort Wayne, Indiana and the Small Size bookstore in Earl Park, Indiana. Since my supporters demand it, I will have copies of my new book, Diary of a Heartland Radical, Changemaker Publications (or did I mention this already?) available for purchase.
After these significant campaign visits in Indiana I will take my campaign to Upper Michigan, Western Iowa, and Southern Nebraska.
Now some skeptics, particularly those who see this candidacy as a publicity stunt to sell more books, would want to know what positions I plan to take on the issues we face today; on the economy, on health care and education, on the environment, and foreign policy. While I admit these are good questions, I do not want to clutter political discourse today with a lot of arguments about policies and programs.
However, in my long public life I have lived by one principle that I promise the American people I will work to achieve (along with selling my book, Diary of a Heartland Radical), that is I will campaign around the principle of “Pot for every chicken!” So support me for president, send campaign contributions, and most importantly buy my new book, Diary of a Heartland Radical.
Order Diary of a Heartland Radical at at http://stores.lulu.com/changemaker
(or did I say this already)